every once in a while i get in a bad enough mood that i make a shitty post on here then delete it once my mood is temporarily okay. this is another one of those posts.
i made this site a long time ago to pursue a lot of things i wanted to do with myself, mostly simple animations and comics and music. now i do none of those things and i find no reason to do anything. i feel trapped and horrible and sick and worthless. i find every reason to dislike myself and i wallow in self-pity constantly. the only relationship i ever had i acted like someone who wasn’t who i want to be and as someone who has a lot of downtime i constantly want to cringe at some of the stupidest stuff i did. you ever feel like you didn’t lock the door when you left the house or you left something on when you probably did and everything is okay? but while you’re away from home you think “maybe this really is the time i left the burner on, maybe my home is on fire right now and when i come home everything will be gone and i’ll be on the news as the fuckface who left their burner on”?
i have no sense of humor when people make jokes lately. if i ask a question i get frustrated when people respond with joke answers yet i’ll do the same. i hate when people talk to me and i hate when people don’t talk to me. i get tired of correcting myself when i am angry enough to make a rash decision about someone. soon this will probably become who i am for good and it doesn’t matter. nobody is waiting around for me to change, and nobody needs to. i need to get myself out of this and if i don’t think i can then i probably won’t.